Coach Prime Trades Son to Different Family Following Fifth-Round Selection

BOULDER, CO — Colorado Buffaloes head coach Deion “Coach Prime” Sanders has reportedly removed his son from his will and family photo albums after the young quarterback was selected in the humiliating fifth round of the NFL Draft.

“Fifth round? FIFTH ROUND?” Sanders was heard shouting into his diamond-encrusted phone immediately after the selection. “I don’t know anybody who gets drafted in the fifth round. That’s not a Sanders round. That’s somebody else’s child.”

Sources close to the situation report that Sanders has already hired contractors to expand doorways throughout his home to accommodate his enlarged disappointment.

“I’ve got a reputation to maintain,” Sanders explained while removing his son’s trophies from his office and replacing them with additional mirrors. “First round or no round. That’s what I taught him since he was in diapers. The first words out of his mouth weren’t ‘dada,’ they were ‘top 10 pick.'”

The younger Sanders seemed unfazed by his father’s reaction, telling reporters he was grateful for the opportunity while his personal assistant frantically removed “Sanders” from the back of his jersey.

“It’s actually kind of a relief,” he admitted. “Do you know what it’s like growing up with a father who refers to himself in the third person and has a gold-plated breakfast nook? I’m looking forward to the silence.”

NFL analysts noted that being drafted in any round is still an impressive accomplishment, though none were willing to say this to Sanders’ face after he arrived at a press conference wearing sunglasses that projected continuous highlights of his own NFL career.

“We’ve seen this before with sports dynasties,” explained ESPN analyst Marcus Spears. “Though usually the disowning happens after contract negotiations, not the draft.”

At press time, Sanders was reportedly in talks with several genetic engineering firms about the possibility of retroactively improving his son’s draft stock, while simultaneously adopting three first-round picks from other families.